Tag Archives: poetry

Half

The worst part is
my past makes my whole
My past has a hold
An entire part of me is folding
in and out
Opening up and unfolding
Slowly, slowly

The worst part is,
my past is my plight
An inescapable beast
a madness
as I’m dodging each shameful memory
face to the wall
tears dripping out
of every hole

The worst part is,
my past defeats me
as I tried to hide
honest parts of me
bringing nothing but a top coat to the present
It hurts
to hide
But I’ve known nothing else
No other way but blanketed
covered head to toe
Never wanting to be anyone else
but someone else

The best part is,
my past is me
it’s me and you
and you will find me there
Stripped down and
there I am
a half just waiting to be whole
Waiting to reveal the shameful pieces
as each piece unravels
Because if I do it any other way
I just might be
torn up skin,
bones
A corpse without a past at all

Reminders

Searching her mind for old patterns:
she became accustomed to goodbyes
loss served as a constant reminder
nothing is permanent
all things transient

And now,
always watching when you
walk away,
parting ways but wishing
to stay longer
And now,
a new reminder:
that a heart fills each time it returns home

Thought by now,
the use of words would expire
Seems they won’t
Seems expiry isn’t of our world

I’ve Been Diving

wash the dry spots of my heart
now on land but by the sea
rain, it falls upon us
as we rid ourselves of the old falls
the old mistakes
what may repeat
will not be the same
will not be enough
to destroy the fire that lights the red
red, red
a representation of extreme
desire
but I anticipate
the constant calm
of rose so light
blues so deep
deep sea discoveries that we make
each dive, each plunge to find ourselves
our past treasures
brighter than gold
tangled, we are
tangled by the seaweed of your roots
that struck me so
that entangled mine

and now we stand
a tree
among
a forest

a forest by the sea
where we first plunged
where we first held our breath
giving up on oxygen
and giving in to floating
in the lifeboat of your arms

Ulster Street

Closed my eyes, counted to five
Movement beneath me
Turns out I was walking
Felt as though I sighed forever
And the air in my lungs
Escaped
I was lifted
(Maybe gifted)
Words were always my strength
but as I floated into space
as I
sky high
an abomination to my weakest self
the one I left behind
as I flew away
I found I had
Not much to say
Not much in the form of words
Just left with noises
Soft, gentle noises
That only you could understand
Only you knew the meaning
Figured out my language
My open heart, my open eyes
Speaking louder than words
Hoping to take hold of your heavy heart

So I tried to lock my blues with yours
Blues that bat bashfully in your direction
Looked down to shake the familiar, unrequited feeling
Only to find
You’re looking back up at me
We’re looking at each other

Set, Rise (Fall)

Sun, it sets

As soft beats bloom through the atmosphere
Slowly the bass takes off my clothes
Every line vibrating from head to toe
Keeps me up all night
When it’s finished, will you want to go?
This song isn’t over yet;
three more escalations
and it has me,
you have me
smiling
all the time
Cheek to-
Face and palm colliding
A longing,
a realization
making me bashful
In nude
Invisible
Bare and all
I know it’s all fragmented
It gets clearer in the morning
Light peeks through the window
and small kisses align my neck

Sun, it rises

Bed of Books

Lay me down
on a bed of books
Pages and pages of words said
by philosophers, writers
artists
Lay me down on all things known
and unknown; mysteries
Hold me down
until they sink in
Until the words are imprinted
smudged
pressed
into my skin
Fill me with ink
Permanent, infinite, unforgettable ink
Soothe the need to release the thoughts
that I said would eat me up inside

Then watch

As I speak in tones
Pausing slightly for a thought
Pausing for a sigh
Acknowledging the unbreakable force
of thrusting,
of pushing
pen to page,
page to desk,
desk to ground
Bolting down the act of creating
Bolting me down,
tying me up
and captivating me
by eyes so bright
from afternoon sunshine

Watch
As I speak to you
Watch
As I watch you
Hold me down,
I won’t want to escape
But please, please
watch
Watch as I do everything
Watch as I, in turmoil,
try to show you
and try to hide
all in one sweeping motion

And sometimes the things we feel, we keep unsaid
Sometimes these things are on the pages we have read

The pages
on the bed

Unmoved Movers

Laid down in the arms of a bright, comforting soul
Philosophy and passionate wonders that keep us up alone
Kept us up together
In a bedroom half in limbo,
like the past had always been
A form of clarity washing over us
as we tried not to count the minutes until dawn
Our fingers laced together
gentle enough to weave
back and forth,
in and out
“just to feel them go back into mine again”
Movements were created
in a room
where I had not been moved before
Nostalgia not as present
Because the push of one
single
movement
is echoing on
The push and pull of my fears;
the first movement being the last
no longer a worry
Your movements now pulling me
out of uncertainty
and yet consistency;
the zoetrope of falling in and out of your arms
Finally coming to a stop
Finally coming to one fall
One movement
As I laid down in the arms of a bright and comforting soul

Kissing In The Binding Of Your Book

Stained jeans
From nature
Making me
Smile again

Weak knees
Grave-digger
Stole my heart
Not my pen

Hopeful constant
As tongues twist
Heart beating
In my ear

You’re the reason
That kiss exists
Just perfect
Like poetry, dear

 

Skydiver

Riding back,
dragging back
back to where
I lost it all
But where I found
cracks of light
amidst a vast
darkness
The things I lost
(The parts I lost)
They are what I see in you
now
And returning each time
Never feels like goodbye forever
only for now
Feels like you’re a home to me
Feels like falling
Kind of feels
like my insides
are entrenched
with a bubbling, passionate force
as the bubbles lift me
from ground to sky
Up, up, and away
Just so I can keep falling

 

Coccinellidae Encounters

A figure comes to mind

The one with shades of red

Spotted black and delicate

A tiny, delicate heart that I freed

Countless times into the open space

And then it fell

On its back

The tiny, red heart trickled with black

It fell and shocked, I went to help

But soon enough, it flipped itself

Flapping its wings

Surviving the fall

And there, I watched

As it flew from the dark prison cell

As it disappeared

No longer a captured, caged organ